Conscious Ego/Healing Ego
I've been deeply affected and my path transformed by Jason Shulman's notion of the both/and non-dual path as featuring not ego-death but the healing ego. It ties in well with my perspective that awakening, for me, is not about getting the rid of the ego in any way, but of it becoming a conscious ego. That is, an ego that knows it is not the entirety of what we are, but that it is an integral part of the greater whole of us. With this understanding, the ego accepts it's limitations while becoming less limited, and interestingly not smaller per se, but larger, as it recognizes it is inseparable from the larger context of the whole of existence. With this comes the gift not of realizing there's no doer or free will, but of a newfound sense of choice, and the ability to choose our attitudes, thoughts, beliefs, and behavior more consciously, rather than being trapped in the automaticity of the historically conditioned habitual self. It can both break free from the limitations of that habitual self, while preserving the strengths, special traits, and gifts of that self that are inherent to our soul, though acceptance, and kindness towards that self and the painful situations that created the conditioned beliefs that contributed to it's sense of self-imprisonment and much of its' suffering. It is actually through accepting, honoring, and even loving our limitations, that we become less limited by our limitations, rather than through self-denial, abandonment, de-personalization, self-transcendence as an escape from from ourselves. Becoming more conscious egos is what the world truly needs more of, not wounded egos trying to commit egocide and unintentionally repressing their shadows, so that any sense of radical liberation from dis-identification and dissolving ends up being a liberation with limitations, because it remains unknowingly controlled by those shadows it thinks have disappeared/dissolved but haven't...which we rudely awaken to when we are shadow attacked..and eventually, hopefully, we realize that what will best serve us and everyone else, is to to turn towards and befriend those shadows rather than continue to see them as enemies to vanquish, trying to finally abolish them, rise above them which digs the spiritual bypass and ego unconsciousness deeper.
So the healing ego, the largely unconsciously acting ego harnesses it's expanded perception of reality, of its' the nature of its conditioning and malleability to become a more conscious, intentional actor, a more free agent, with greater agency, which is what we originally suffered from not having enough of due to our conditioning. Isn't that so? Didn't we want a greater ability for self-authorship and choice before we got involved with a path that taught it's authorship itself, our desire to choose/have free will that is the root of suffering, that is what our "prison walls" are made of? That instead of ego dissolution bringing freedom to choose, be our own person, design our lives with chosen narrativity, its' purpose is to free us from wanting those things?
It feels important to understand that the context in which modern ego death teachings come from, is one in which the goal of ego dissolution awakening is not to live a more fully human, or freer individual human life, but to be liberated from individual human life, and ultimately to escape the human journey/adventure- the cycle of death and re-birth, which is seen not with gratitude, or as a gift, but as a curse/burden or one that the individual is over, is exhausted by to the point of wanting out, and in many cases, especially in modern times, we've given up on, and are convinced that this giving up is what awakened liberation is.
So the healing ego, the largely unconsciously acting ego harnesses it's expanded perception of reality, of its' the nature of its conditioning and malleability to become a more conscious, intentional actor, a more free agent, with greater agency, which is what we originally suffered from not having enough of due to our conditioning. Isn't that so? Didn't we want a greater ability for self-authorship and choice before we got involved with a path that taught it's authorship itself, our desire to choose/have free will that is the root of suffering, that is what our "prison walls" are made of? That instead of ego dissolution bringing freedom to choose, be our own person, design our lives with chosen narrativity, its' purpose is to free us from wanting those things?
It feels important to understand that the context in which modern ego death teachings come from, is one in which the goal of ego dissolution awakening is not to live a more fully human, or freer individual human life, but to be liberated from individual human life, and ultimately to escape the human journey/adventure- the cycle of death and re-birth, which is seen not with gratitude, or as a gift, but as a curse/burden or one that the individual is over, is exhausted by to the point of wanting out, and in many cases, especially in modern times, we've given up on, and are convinced that this giving up is what awakened liberation is.
Healing or Growing the Collective Shadow
You might realize at a certain point, how the ego-death escape/liberation path is a personal endeavor that ends up a self-centered path of selflessness. That it is one in which we often do not heal our shadows, karmic wounds, etc. and play a role in growing the collective shadow by our "enlightened" escapism. You might realize how awakening into a healing, conscious ego that can choose, could serve the mighty purpose not of brave self-abandonment, but of the courage to stay, in a new way, and benefit the whole, and put in the effort to minimize the perpetuation of our wounds and help the next generation be less trapped by our un-faced wounds that we received from our lineage's un-faced wounds. In other words, the conscious, healing ego engages in sacred healing, not just for itself, but for the whole that it is simultaneously interconnected with and an expression of. We awaken to a most beautiful paradox - that we are inter-connected parts of the entire whole we are expressions of - each of us are equally the whole and interconnected parts of this whole we're expressions of.
We live that paradox...we might first awaken to being the whole and stop there, which while it can feel like wholeness is just as partial, as we deny/denounce/don't recognize the truth of the wondrous gift of simultaneously being a part of it (that is of course not separate from it!)...or we continue on to the glorious both/and of being being both that whole and a part of it...this is how discovering "the absolute" or what does not change, is ultimately about returning to the particular, to the impermanent (but nonetheless precious), to our individual personhood in a new way...about what we can do, experience, and contribute to the world when we now know that we are that whole, but right now first and foremost incarnations of it. Knowing now that separateness and oneness are one. It's a wounded, unhealing ego that just wants to escape into a pristine painless absoluteness and never return, or detach greatly from the bittersweetness of the personal human adventure.
We live that paradox...we might first awaken to being the whole and stop there, which while it can feel like wholeness is just as partial, as we deny/denounce/don't recognize the truth of the wondrous gift of simultaneously being a part of it (that is of course not separate from it!)...or we continue on to the glorious both/and of being being both that whole and a part of it...this is how discovering "the absolute" or what does not change, is ultimately about returning to the particular, to the impermanent (but nonetheless precious), to our individual personhood in a new way...about what we can do, experience, and contribute to the world when we now know that we are that whole, but right now first and foremost incarnations of it. Knowing now that separateness and oneness are one. It's a wounded, unhealing ego that just wants to escape into a pristine painless absoluteness and never return, or detach greatly from the bittersweetness of the personal human adventure.
"Even the sense of a personal self is something created by the universe itself. It is not a perversion of our destiny, and, when healed, is the perfect vehicle—indeed the only vehicle— to take us to what wholeness actually means.
Healing this ego rather than trying to transcend, ignore or destroy it, brings us to a place in which all of who we are is important.
-Nondual Shaman
Healing this ego rather than trying to transcend, ignore or destroy it, brings us to a place in which all of who we are is important.
-Nondual Shaman
"The personal ego is still allowed to exist: we have not negated it. But we have begun the process of healing it, seeing it for what it is: a pinwheel of beauty, shooting out sparks on individuality in an immeasurable and unified world." - The magi process
"In deep contact with the absolute-alone, the ego disappears... instead of being healed." -ND Shaman
"...by relating to the continuity-alone—even though this is an important experience to have—the egoic problems of being an individual tend to fade and even disappear, giving the student the idea that all is well. Well, all is not well. That is part of human life as well. " - shaman
"It is very possible to have a profound connection to the continuity-alone and other non-egoic states, and still be an idiot."
What does healing mean to you?
For many of us, to “heal” is to solve a problem―to remove an illness, put a trauma behind us, or change something we don’t like in our life so we never have to deal with it again.
Yet does that idea of healing serve us … or does it cut us off from life’s gifts?
“True healing is not a state where we become liberated from feeling, but freer and flexible to experience it more fully. When we experience our suffering consciously, it reveals sacredness and beauty we might not expect." - Matt Licata (A Healing Space: Befriending Ourselves in Difficult Times)
For many of us, to “heal” is to solve a problem―to remove an illness, put a trauma behind us, or change something we don’t like in our life so we never have to deal with it again.
Yet does that idea of healing serve us … or does it cut us off from life’s gifts?
“True healing is not a state where we become liberated from feeling, but freer and flexible to experience it more fully. When we experience our suffering consciously, it reveals sacredness and beauty we might not expect." - Matt Licata (A Healing Space: Befriending Ourselves in Difficult Times)