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"Many spiritual paths ask us to leave the ego, our personal sense of self, behind. The problem is not the ego, but that it doesn't see how beautiful it truly is!" |
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Friends,
An urgent call is being heard for us to re-think, the health/safety, truth, and overall collective value of modern "no self, no suffering" paradigms, and to begin exploring fresh humanistic spiritual frameworks as alternatives to either/or self and world-negating nonduality, that celebrate the preciousness of our interconnected individuality rather than its' permanent destruction. One that inspires all dimensions of our humanity to flourish, and revels in the both/and paradox of being both separate and one, unified as individuals. One that compels us to commune with our surroundings and one another as unividuals, and enthusiastically participate in the profound mystery of this bittersweet, miraculously real world!
One in which the aim is not to get back to our "true nature" as changeless, formless Being, but to explore how our experience transforms when the stunning mystery of reality is the evolutionary process of Being becoming, when we create meaning by delighting in and choosing how to participate, how to contribute to its' blossoming towards greater compassion, interconnection, and reverence for the preciousness of existence. Where we open our apertures to behold the greater context of what we are a part of, and by placing our collective human existence within it, this wider more transcendent view reveals more significance (and what is most significant to us) in the particulars, rather than trivializing them! Where instead of reacting to impermanence with detachment and hardened disaffectedness, we choose to savor the fleeting more fully, letting our hearts break open so we can be more deeply touched and enlivened by the poignance of what is ephemeral. Where the goal is not so much "liberation" from suffering, but freedom to feel fully human and alive.
One in which we need not make a false binary choice between seeming opposites like spirit and matter, the personal and universal, to experience profound mystery because we know we are both, always. Where we don’t have to disappear and lose ourselves for oneness, but know ourselves as a part of it, evolving and healing our egos rather than eroding our minds and discarding our personhood. This is a new philosophy and experience that has at its' heart the both/and of uniduality, and the evolutionary process of Being becoming, and everyone is invited to play a part in its' unfolding.
While I bring my own unique perspective to this both/and framework, it has been inspired by a few precious individuals, including Tim Freke and Jason Shulman, who also experienced the tragic pitfalls of self-abandoning and world-denying nonduality, who helped me rescue the ego, and deconstruct either/or nonduality, re-building myself/the world without reifying the unreal, instead re-realizing what had always been real, in a new way, shining with more poignant splendor than ever. I hope to compel others to explore this humanistic, optimistic and awe-inspiring both/and perspective with myself and others!
There are precious few folks in contemporary spirituality who diverge from the status quo of incomplete, either/or self and world-negating non-duality, but they do exist! I want to share their perspectives while adding my own to them.
One in which the aim is not to get back to our "true nature" as changeless, formless Being, but to explore how our experience transforms when the stunning mystery of reality is the evolutionary process of Being becoming, when we create meaning by delighting in and choosing how to participate, how to contribute to its' blossoming towards greater compassion, interconnection, and reverence for the preciousness of existence. Where we open our apertures to behold the greater context of what we are a part of, and by placing our collective human existence within it, this wider more transcendent view reveals more significance (and what is most significant to us) in the particulars, rather than trivializing them! Where instead of reacting to impermanence with detachment and hardened disaffectedness, we choose to savor the fleeting more fully, letting our hearts break open so we can be more deeply touched and enlivened by the poignance of what is ephemeral. Where the goal is not so much "liberation" from suffering, but freedom to feel fully human and alive.
One in which we need not make a false binary choice between seeming opposites like spirit and matter, the personal and universal, to experience profound mystery because we know we are both, always. Where we don’t have to disappear and lose ourselves for oneness, but know ourselves as a part of it, evolving and healing our egos rather than eroding our minds and discarding our personhood. This is a new philosophy and experience that has at its' heart the both/and of uniduality, and the evolutionary process of Being becoming, and everyone is invited to play a part in its' unfolding.
While I bring my own unique perspective to this both/and framework, it has been inspired by a few precious individuals, including Tim Freke and Jason Shulman, who also experienced the tragic pitfalls of self-abandoning and world-denying nonduality, who helped me rescue the ego, and deconstruct either/or nonduality, re-building myself/the world without reifying the unreal, instead re-realizing what had always been real, in a new way, shining with more poignant splendor than ever. I hope to compel others to explore this humanistic, optimistic and awe-inspiring both/and perspective with myself and others!
There are precious few folks in contemporary spirituality who diverge from the status quo of incomplete, either/or self and world-negating non-duality, but they do exist! I want to share their perspectives while adding my own to them.
The glorious both/and is how I describe the most powerful and important shift on my return path from self-negating nonduality. Its' what healed the false divide between spirit and matter that is tragically central to either/or nonduality, so that I could bring the transcendent down from the mountaintop into the immanent. It represents the paradox of both/and uniduality, and a precious turning point where I not only saw that oneness and separateness were both real, but that they, like all opposites, are co-arising and inextricably interwoven, never mutually exclusive! When reality came rushing back 1,000 fold, shining in a new light. It's a kind reminder of our folly in thinking we can see the entire picture by tearing it in two, and that there will never be wholeness when there's something to exclude. That a fully human path may not be one of "liberation" from suffering, but of freedom to be fully human, and of how much we let our hearts break open to include. And that our world of wonders is the ground of Being blooming, and that you and I are the universe getting to know itself as human. As unividuals, individuals who know we are both separate and one with each other. And it's at the heart of the way I want to experience life with you💓
Shining a Light on the Dark Side of Self-Negating Spirituality & Supporting Recovery
I hope to contribute to a conspicuously missing conversation about the harmful impact that modern forms of ego dissolution paths can have, and how our understandable attraction to the promise of liberation via self negation, i.e. "no self, no suffering," has, despite every moment of boundless bliss and oceanic relief, also tragically led many spiritual explorers to unexpected new kinds of suffering, including lasting, even life-threatening damage to themselves and their loved ones. After initially experiencing profound liberation and positive transformation, from several years on a ego dissolution path, following mostly modern decontextualized "direct path"paradigms (including but not limited to Neo-Advaita), I discovered with shocking clarity that I had become a disturbingly empty shell of a person, and had to reckon with the reality that I had indeed sacrificed too much of her precious humanity for impersonal equanimity. The indescribable tragedy of this realization, and the arduous path of unbecoming no one, returning to personhood with new sight (truly reviving my soul), compels me to join those who are revealing with nuance, compassion and discernment, the misguided, unhealthy elements of contemporary self/world-denying ideologies (and experiences), as well the ways that trying to eradicate the ego/our personal sense of self in the name of oneness and 'enlightenment' is separating us not just from ourselves, but one another. Not just because of my own experience, but because of the heart-breaking ways that teaching permanent ego dissolution as a panacea, has led to injuring countless other hearts, minds and souls, including driving many to suicide. I never imagined there were so many people out there negatively impacted by self-negating nondual teachings, but the more I looked into it, the frightening reality was that there are thousands, if not millions, and I now hear from them every few days! Read first-hand accounts.
This makes it so urgent to reach people seeking the permanent loss of self with a nuanced, balanced understanding of the potential benefits and risks of engaging with and indiscriminately promoting radical ego dissolution in our modern times. And to support with evidence, critical discernment and compassion, why it serves us to thoughtfully question the ramifications of embracing wholesale self-negating ideologies based on permanent deconstruction of identity, and rethink the health and accuracy of portraying these paths as a panacea, and as the ultimate stage of development/wellbeing. Hear more of my story in my interview on BATGAP here.
I'm also called to help support those who are recovering from being harmfully impacted by contemporary self-negating non-dual teachings, most commonly neo-advaita and other forms of "direct paths" to loss of selfhood, including support groups, resources, and 1:1 peer guidance for disentangling the grip these ideologies have had on their perception, and reviving their full human-ness, vitality, and enthusiasm for participating and contributing to human life.
I'm also called to help support those who are recovering from being harmfully impacted by contemporary self-negating non-dual teachings, most commonly neo-advaita and other forms of "direct paths" to loss of selfhood, including support groups, resources, and 1:1 peer guidance for disentangling the grip these ideologies have had on their perception, and reviving their full human-ness, vitality, and enthusiasm for participating and contributing to human life.
"You don't get to oneness by erasing yourself,
that would be oneness with a hole in it!"
- Tim Freke
that would be oneness with a hole in it!"
- Tim Freke
A New Way Forward While it's urgently important, we can't just deconstruct de-humanizing self and world negating paradigms, we have to be for something new and co-create a more compelling paradigm! I'll be recording conversations with those who are exploring unity of diversity paradigms that value us as miraculously real individuals within a fundamentally relational oneness, and that heal the age-old split between spirit and matter. Ones that uplift us with a sense of wonder for this epic mystery, and help us open up our hearts to suffering with more compassion for ourselves and empathic solidarity with one another. Ones discovering new (or old-new) ways to reveal significance to our existence that can inspire deeply engaged immersion in it, and even contribute to a more loving, awe-infused, and inter-connected world.