Self-Negating Nonduality

"No self, no suffering?"

Compassionately and critically, I wish to encourage individuals to seriously consider, along with potential benefits, the deeply unhealthy consequences that can arise from unquestioningly embracing permanent ego dissolution teachings in which losing or diminishing your sense of self is taught as the holy grail key to liberation from suffering.

People drawn to utopian claims that romanticize the loss of self must know the ways in which they are misleading, and how seeking to/eroding your individual, personal sense of self can both relieve suffering and lead to new forms of it that can be profound and long-lasting. How seeking to/ losing, or diminishing your sense of self can unexpectedly deteriorate your wellbeing rather than, or while simultaneously elevating it, have unexpected, unwanted life-altering consequences - a shadow side I want to bring light to -where compromising or losing your sense of self is a pyrrhic victory if you find that this kind of "absolute freedom" demands too much of your precious humanity, and comes with its' own set of limitations, even chains.

I'm motivated by empathy for the allure of self-negation in either/or non-dual spirituality to, while acknowledging (and describing from experience) the profound shifts and relief it can lead to, share a thorough understanding of the misconceptions and fallacies that abound, as well as exactly how/why liberation via self-negation is a dangerous double-edged sword. Through sharing personal experiences, stories from others, and insights from diverse sources, I hope to empower people to make informed choices that safeguard them from risks of experiencing unintended harmful consequences - as well as offering a warm-hearted place of solace, support resources and inspiration for those struggling to disentangle and recover from the unique variety of harmful impacts of seeking the end of suffering and/or "Ultimate Truth" through these teachings.

Read first-hand accounts of how people have experienced harm

read testimonials

Ironically, and tragically, believing in this notion has led to so much suffering! The allure of the "no self, no suffering" message claimed by self-negating nonduality, and in specific, modern instant enlightenment sellers, stems from two primary motivations: freedom from suffering and the quest for ultimate truth. However, this claim is gravely flawed because losing one's sense of self, because despite the utopian promises, it often leads to new forms of suffering, and I no longer see it as revealing The Ultimate Truth, but rather one unique perspective and experience of reality. There is a third motivation/promise tied to this claim however, and this one certainly can be delivered by a no-self experience: a dramatic shift in perception that is astounding and often comes with a profound sense of temporary relief. But it's essential for people to be sober about the fact that the erosion of ones sense of self does not lead to permanent liberation from suffering (nor does it represent the highest level of human wellbeing and development!) or the ultimate truth, and whether it will even enhances your wellbeing in the long term depends entirely on a multitude of factors. Knowing this can hopefully help people who are understandably drawn, as I was, to this dangerously over- simplified notion, to think twice before being deceived by those who perpetuate the myth that the loss of one's sense of self whether described as ego death, ego dissolution, self-transcendence etc. is a panacea, and resist the pressure to disappear from their own lives, "dying to the self" in exchange for deliverance from "ignorance" of the Absolute Truth.

I would rather face sometimes feeling trapped in my humanity, than to feel permanently trapped outside of it, as I did after my honeymoon phase with ego dissolution revealed the dark side of freedom in becoming untethered, untouchable and questionably human.

There are many ways that ego dissolution paths can help you when you're suffering, they can provide profound relief, but filled with landmines, Neo-Advaita's territory of radical self-negation takes too many casualites, and not just among those who don't "make it" to the no-mans' land beyond themselves. Success in eroding your sense of self in exchange for detached equanimity is truly a double-edged sword, that relieves some forms of suffering, but has a pattern of perpetuating others and creating unexpected and tragic new forms of it. While it's not the case for everyone, there are so many who do experience radical freedom in the absence of their personal self, and find their lives positively transformed in significant ways, yet come to find at some point that their ego dissolution "self-defeat" is a kind of pyrrhic victory, in which the gains are outweighed by the cost they've paid. Many folks realize that they've made a sort of deal with the devil, gaining forms of inner peace and clarity, but ultimately sacrificing too much of their precious humanity. It can be a profound conundrum that leaves people wishing to re(dis)cover vital lost pieces of their souls, and many make an arduous journey down the mountain, up from the bottom of the sea, back to the fullness of their humanity, in a new way. Though it was a decision fraught with conflict, I chose to find a path of sacred return to my personhood, and both the harrowing challenges and profound revelations I experienced during this period of my life, inspire me to try to help others who are doing, or wish to do this, including building a community who will be waiting here for them, to share in the process of reviving their individual vitality, breathing life back into one another so that we may restore the fullness of our deeply flawed, yet profoundly precious humanity!

Shifting to a balanced portrayal...

While we hear often about the positive effects of dissolving one's personal identity and individual sense of self, there is an urgent need for increased awareness around the ways that people who seek as well as achieve a lasting loss of their self-sense are known to be harmfully impacted.

As Elizabeth Stephens writes in her research paper on the harmful effects of self-transcendence, "Few discuss its potential deleterious side effects, choosing to focus primarily on positive effects. However, anything with sufficient potency to heal may have unintended side effects, especially when it leads beyond a transitory state to becoming an enduring trait."

Additionally, her findings led her to suggest that a total loss of self may not be "the pinnacle of human development" and wellbeing it is commonly portrayed as in nondual spirituality, and that we must exercise caution in believing it to be/ presenting it as such, and take a more balanced view of the costs and benefits.

The imbalanced world of either/or and the opposite extreme formula

Read

Support Resources for Disentangling & Recovering from Harmful Effects
of Neo-Advaita and all either/or, self-negating non-dual spirituality

Spiritual Crisis/Emergency