Excerpts from Jason Shulman's gathering in July 2022, on moving beyond the idealized view of how spiritual beings deal with anxiety and fear...
We've been handed down such an idealized view of what it means to be a spiritually minded human being that is impossible to live up to, and I'm going to suggest to us that this is nothing we should ever attempt to live up to, even though it has wormed its way into our unconscious and semi conscious spiritual soul. So it's going to be a good idea for us to look at the origins of these imbalanced ideas about how spiritual beings deal with anxiety and fear. In fact, as we think about it, isn't it true that one of the stated and unstated bases of spiritual freedom is that we're going to be free of certain human emotions, since human emotions are so problematic. And that's one of the things that the trainings, of any sort, whatever path you happen to be on, the focus and talk about how we're going to be free of these emotions. And that that's a fundamental truth in the literature of spiritual attainment. Some of the oldest the spiritual teachings like the Vedas and early Buddhist scriptures, constantly describe qualities of awakening beings as having freedom from every sort of negative and difficult and less than perfect emotion.
So, this spiritual perspective has been handed down to us and has saturated us the way we might get saturated by walking through a fog that we hardly even notice. We don't notice these little worm like ideas that have permeated our brains. I have a note here it says read this as spiritual seekers. This idealization has been handed down to us on probably some semi conscious or completely unconscious level. And we all live our spiritual lives, believing that this is what we're aiming for, to be free of fear forever. To have seen it as an illusion, something we have left behind like a shadow because the sun of spirituality has gotten so bright that shadows no longer exist. Of course, what makes shadows is a bright light. But that's a whole other thing we have to talk about sometime, the unity of shadow and light. But in any case in this particular vision it's all no shadows. And of course, we all hope for this to be true, myself included. Why? Because we are so scared and anxious a lot of the time, everything that's going on in the world, our mortality, our imperfect upbringing, our neuroses, up against this idealized vision of peace, love, joy and light, which do exist by the way, but not in the way we might hope or think.
So, another myth that comes up in this whole thing that's been handed down to us is the notion of the spiritual warrior. It does have good parts. The bad part of the spiritual warrior thing is that it points to the idea that the spiritual path is a solo effort. The extraordinary man or woman who climbs the mountain alone, who traverses the desert who sits for years in a cave alone and becomes illuminated in some way, alone. This image is a bad image, because it's not true. We focus on ourselves, rightfully so, in the beginning, but this idea that it is a solo affair is an obstacle in our path and it puts hardship in the minds of people who want to get free. And by the way, it's antithetical to the whole purpose of awakening and enlightenment, which is the desire to be in relationship with everything and with all beings. But it's needed to be egocentric in the beginning. We need to take care of ourselves. We need to get our misconceptions out on the table so that we can see them. We need to heal our minds and our ego so that we can be upright, authentic citizens, so to speak. We're ultra concerned here with our own suffering, and rightly so, but it cannot remain that and be called awakening. Yes, my suffering was such that healing myself and not thinking about anybody else, or anything else or the planet or the animals or the plants was something that I had to do for a time.
...
So now, we walk into a world that is Dharma, that is pure activation of the ongoing simplicity and complexity and connectedness and individuality of all things. So the spiritual warrior relationship with fear and anxiety from the solo effort point of view, is either that he or she doesn't have any, though they once did, or that they've conquered it. Yet another burden. The Awakening person will not be free of anything. Everything they are, all of their strengths and weaknesses will follow them to the grave. Though you're still here and it's not that we won't improve. It's not that we will improve. But if purity is what you're after, you're going to be sadly disappointed.
The fact that we're here today as a group, being with each other is an astounding thing. And not on a psycho-magical level, like we're going to form some sort of torch of light that is going to change the world. It's that we reinforce each other's morphic resonance. So, we do the work of spiritual awakening in relationship, which is the theme of this universe, not only the theme of the universe, the universe's existence owes itself to a relationship. When we are in relationship we are in sync with the universe.
...
Though we travel with the same old crowd of neuroses and limitations, they won't be in charge, we will find a part of ourselves that is senior to them and we will live that part that is senior as best we can. It's important that I say as best we can, because as foolish imperfect beings, we will all fail. That failure is part of awakening. For those Buddhist aficionados among us, as Dogon Zenji said, Nirvana and samsara, this world of duality and Nirvana the world of whatever it is, unity, are both impermanent. So we will change but not in the way our idealizing, unhealed ego thought we would. That ego thinks that we're going to be free of these things, and powerful. Awakening is equally about being powerless and more humble and smaller, not too small, just the right size.
In the case of fear and anxiety, it means that they still might be companions. It means that they still might be our companions, but ones that are held close to the heart and mind, to our spirit, so that they're not in charge. They are cared for and not orphaned. Hold those things close. Something that takes practice, because it's again, the noble gift of a spiritual person to walk into that kind of danger. But it's only the unhealed ego that believes it's danger. The healing ego knows that it's liberation because you don't have to defend territory as much. And here, we stand up and do a little dance and sing a song because we are who we are, imperfect beings. This is important because while both emotions can be difficult and even debilitating, I'm talking about fear and anxiety, the process of relating to them can be revolutionary. It can be heart opening as well as heart rending. Eventually, fear and anxiety might be useful in ways that we cannot even conceive of at this moment.
What I'm talking about is not some sort of allowing where our job is to just accept it and then lay back, as I said in the beginning, healing ourselves is the only way forward because it brings wisdom, and wisdom brings action informed by heart. So the whole idea is to become awakening beings who can then act with compassion and dynamic intelligence.
The concept of awakening and enlightenment needs to be redefined to include the totality of our human emotions, our whole spectrum of being, our fear and anxiety as well. It opens my heart and makes me feel safe to know that there are 100 and some odd people here, many of whom feel fear and anxiety, some people infrequently, and some people on a daily or minute by minute basis. Then we're all brothers and sisters, and can help each other along this path of healing. This opens my heart and quiets my own fears and as my own fears quiet down, I can become more of a steady presence just as I am, and when I am a steadier presence it helps others and when you are a steadier presence, it helps others. Awakening is not a circumscribed jail of protection. It's an open field, the vast field of being. There is nothing that is not part of awakening and including more of yourself is the practice.
Not bulldozing through every difficulty, we face each next step with heart and delicacy.
It's resting in the unity of relationship. I don't have to understand I don't have to know everything, I can just rest into the field of relationship again, which includes my anxiety. I can be in the unknown. I can be a participant in this moment. I see and receive the holiness of everything exactly as it is, in exactly the state it is in. I feel a tenderness, tenderness for all of what it means to be human.
We've been handed down such an idealized view of what it means to be a spiritually minded human being that is impossible to live up to, and I'm going to suggest to us that this is nothing we should ever attempt to live up to, even though it has wormed its way into our unconscious and semi conscious spiritual soul. So it's going to be a good idea for us to look at the origins of these imbalanced ideas about how spiritual beings deal with anxiety and fear. In fact, as we think about it, isn't it true that one of the stated and unstated bases of spiritual freedom is that we're going to be free of certain human emotions, since human emotions are so problematic. And that's one of the things that the trainings, of any sort, whatever path you happen to be on, the focus and talk about how we're going to be free of these emotions. And that that's a fundamental truth in the literature of spiritual attainment. Some of the oldest the spiritual teachings like the Vedas and early Buddhist scriptures, constantly describe qualities of awakening beings as having freedom from every sort of negative and difficult and less than perfect emotion.
So, this spiritual perspective has been handed down to us and has saturated us the way we might get saturated by walking through a fog that we hardly even notice. We don't notice these little worm like ideas that have permeated our brains. I have a note here it says read this as spiritual seekers. This idealization has been handed down to us on probably some semi conscious or completely unconscious level. And we all live our spiritual lives, believing that this is what we're aiming for, to be free of fear forever. To have seen it as an illusion, something we have left behind like a shadow because the sun of spirituality has gotten so bright that shadows no longer exist. Of course, what makes shadows is a bright light. But that's a whole other thing we have to talk about sometime, the unity of shadow and light. But in any case in this particular vision it's all no shadows. And of course, we all hope for this to be true, myself included. Why? Because we are so scared and anxious a lot of the time, everything that's going on in the world, our mortality, our imperfect upbringing, our neuroses, up against this idealized vision of peace, love, joy and light, which do exist by the way, but not in the way we might hope or think.
So, another myth that comes up in this whole thing that's been handed down to us is the notion of the spiritual warrior. It does have good parts. The bad part of the spiritual warrior thing is that it points to the idea that the spiritual path is a solo effort. The extraordinary man or woman who climbs the mountain alone, who traverses the desert who sits for years in a cave alone and becomes illuminated in some way, alone. This image is a bad image, because it's not true. We focus on ourselves, rightfully so, in the beginning, but this idea that it is a solo affair is an obstacle in our path and it puts hardship in the minds of people who want to get free. And by the way, it's antithetical to the whole purpose of awakening and enlightenment, which is the desire to be in relationship with everything and with all beings. But it's needed to be egocentric in the beginning. We need to take care of ourselves. We need to get our misconceptions out on the table so that we can see them. We need to heal our minds and our ego so that we can be upright, authentic citizens, so to speak. We're ultra concerned here with our own suffering, and rightly so, but it cannot remain that and be called awakening. Yes, my suffering was such that healing myself and not thinking about anybody else, or anything else or the planet or the animals or the plants was something that I had to do for a time.
...
So now, we walk into a world that is Dharma, that is pure activation of the ongoing simplicity and complexity and connectedness and individuality of all things. So the spiritual warrior relationship with fear and anxiety from the solo effort point of view, is either that he or she doesn't have any, though they once did, or that they've conquered it. Yet another burden. The Awakening person will not be free of anything. Everything they are, all of their strengths and weaknesses will follow them to the grave. Though you're still here and it's not that we won't improve. It's not that we will improve. But if purity is what you're after, you're going to be sadly disappointed.
The fact that we're here today as a group, being with each other is an astounding thing. And not on a psycho-magical level, like we're going to form some sort of torch of light that is going to change the world. It's that we reinforce each other's morphic resonance. So, we do the work of spiritual awakening in relationship, which is the theme of this universe, not only the theme of the universe, the universe's existence owes itself to a relationship. When we are in relationship we are in sync with the universe.
...
Though we travel with the same old crowd of neuroses and limitations, they won't be in charge, we will find a part of ourselves that is senior to them and we will live that part that is senior as best we can. It's important that I say as best we can, because as foolish imperfect beings, we will all fail. That failure is part of awakening. For those Buddhist aficionados among us, as Dogon Zenji said, Nirvana and samsara, this world of duality and Nirvana the world of whatever it is, unity, are both impermanent. So we will change but not in the way our idealizing, unhealed ego thought we would. That ego thinks that we're going to be free of these things, and powerful. Awakening is equally about being powerless and more humble and smaller, not too small, just the right size.
In the case of fear and anxiety, it means that they still might be companions. It means that they still might be our companions, but ones that are held close to the heart and mind, to our spirit, so that they're not in charge. They are cared for and not orphaned. Hold those things close. Something that takes practice, because it's again, the noble gift of a spiritual person to walk into that kind of danger. But it's only the unhealed ego that believes it's danger. The healing ego knows that it's liberation because you don't have to defend territory as much. And here, we stand up and do a little dance and sing a song because we are who we are, imperfect beings. This is important because while both emotions can be difficult and even debilitating, I'm talking about fear and anxiety, the process of relating to them can be revolutionary. It can be heart opening as well as heart rending. Eventually, fear and anxiety might be useful in ways that we cannot even conceive of at this moment.
What I'm talking about is not some sort of allowing where our job is to just accept it and then lay back, as I said in the beginning, healing ourselves is the only way forward because it brings wisdom, and wisdom brings action informed by heart. So the whole idea is to become awakening beings who can then act with compassion and dynamic intelligence.
The concept of awakening and enlightenment needs to be redefined to include the totality of our human emotions, our whole spectrum of being, our fear and anxiety as well. It opens my heart and makes me feel safe to know that there are 100 and some odd people here, many of whom feel fear and anxiety, some people infrequently, and some people on a daily or minute by minute basis. Then we're all brothers and sisters, and can help each other along this path of healing. This opens my heart and quiets my own fears and as my own fears quiet down, I can become more of a steady presence just as I am, and when I am a steadier presence it helps others and when you are a steadier presence, it helps others. Awakening is not a circumscribed jail of protection. It's an open field, the vast field of being. There is nothing that is not part of awakening and including more of yourself is the practice.
Not bulldozing through every difficulty, we face each next step with heart and delicacy.
It's resting in the unity of relationship. I don't have to understand I don't have to know everything, I can just rest into the field of relationship again, which includes my anxiety. I can be in the unknown. I can be a participant in this moment. I see and receive the holiness of everything exactly as it is, in exactly the state it is in. I feel a tenderness, tenderness for all of what it means to be human.