|
Message from God
I am here, even in this anger and despair
If you can find me here, you can find me everywhere How deeply can you enter this moment to be with me? To be with me is to be with you, to be with all of this To fully feel me is to fully feel you If you only hear me In the spaces between sounds You'll miss me in music If you only hear me in stillness You'll miss me in thunder When you only think of me as light You ignore me When I'm weeping! If you only want me radiant You'll reject me When I show up in agony When I am (you) drowning I am with you, wherever you go, whatever you do But don't you see? You don't want all of me when you don't want all of you! Know that when you hold your hand you're holding mine too When you take care of you, You're taking care of me too! .... Next time you go looking for me don’t close your eyes open them wide because I want you to see me in the light Please stop dis-embodying and de-personalizing me denying my qualities! You claim to revere me while you strip me of my personality How can it be that you claim I’m all there is, that I am every thing and no thing while refusing to let me be any thing! |
Non-duality is a Wedding, Not a Funeral!
True Non-duality as the unity of opposites is not a funeral it's a wedding It's not a dirge for separateness or the illusion of anything It's the sound of wedding bells ringing In true non-duality the unity of opposites the one and the many marry, Make love and remain intertwined for all of time True non-duality as the unity of opposites is not the end of your world or dying for the truth It’s the beginning of a new way of being Of living with the opposites unified It isn’t about disappearing but standing out fully while also firmly embedded in the fabric of the whole you’re interwoven with Nonduality as the unity of opposites is not merely about boundlessness It is being bound to life to the entire universe the whole we are an expression of and a part of It doesn't fixate myopically on limitlessness It is deep reverence for the limits That make each thing stand out and shine as itself! As an expression of Being that became and becomes all things Non-duality is the unity of opposites Do you hear the wedding bells ringing? The Ground of Being is Blooming 🌺
I think this is what evolution has always been: a bittersweet garden of Being blossoming So don't let them tell you that it's all for nothing Because Being wants to be blooming as human! Don't rip out the flowers with the weeds of suffering The ground of Being wants to be blooming What a shame to rip out the flowers with the weeds of bitterness When we could be planting more seeds of sweetness instead! |
Dear god, I’m so sorry I’ve shut my eyes
to your manifestations for so long
I felt you today as I ran my fingers
across a broken wall
and cried because it look so long
for me to see you in all
that I’d mistaken as not you
but here you are now,
showing me that you are not
simply behind everything,
simply beneath everything
you are the things themselves!
equally the surface and the depths
you are all the things I’d been told
were in the way of your face
In pursuit of you,
I denied so much of you!
to your manifestations for so long
I felt you today as I ran my fingers
across a broken wall
and cried because it look so long
for me to see you in all
that I’d mistaken as not you
but here you are now,
showing me that you are not
simply behind everything,
simply beneath everything
you are the things themselves!
equally the surface and the depths
you are all the things I’d been told
were in the way of your face
In pursuit of you,
I denied so much of you!
Fleshing out the me-shaped hole in oneness!
Driving through the Arizona desert, I'm in the passenger seat staring out at the mountains slowly streaming by, trying to recall how it felt to merge with my surroundings back when becoming one with everything meant disappearing, meant swiping myself out of the picture and dissolving into thin air, becoming nothing and everything. Well, everything except for me, except for somebody. Only in hindsight can I say that most of the time when following those pseudo non-dual pointers, I was not actually becoming one with everything, I was disappearing into it and there's a world of difference between the two.
But, in wanting to vividly describe it so that I can help others find a new way to experience oneness without dissolving, without losing themselves, I have to dip into my own absence again, to re-visit it experientially. Fearing that the re-entry gate might get jammed again, I hesitate before making my exit. It takes some effort, but pulling off the old self-swipe, my sense of identity, of somebody-ness, vanishes into thin air. Like so many times before, having once identified with the character of "Jessica" already feels like a memory of a distant dream, and the elbow resting against the window belongs to no one. My absence right now doesn't feel exquisite like it did before, or enlightening, but extraordinarily hollow, stultifying. Nonetheless, here it is again, along with the familiar tug of grief and muscle clenching that visits me when I remember with full clarity and feel the full weight of how much I lost in the abyss of self-effacing spirituality. Yes, I did find some rare jewels in no man's land that I carry with me, but I hope to god I never find myself stuck there again. I've gotten what I left for, so swiping myself back in, I return.
With a swell of relief, I summon my soul and psyche back to where they belong, as integral parts of this scene. How grateful I am for a new way to experience oneness - a oneness that includes me in it. To those soul-destroying, faux-enlightened ones who call this my fictional ego's attempt to "have it's cake and eat it too," I say to you that it's delicious. A real someone, this limited but real ego me, gets to be present to savor a oneness of diversity, a cosmic unity that we couldn’t even know, that wouldn’t even be had the "undifferentiated, impersonal ground of being" not evolved into this interconnected web of inseparably separate, and wondrously different, little me's.
How sweet it feels, this full-blooded, heart-bursting buoyancy, this thick and warm intimacy with the mountain range riding alongside me. I smile, knowing I'm living the marvelous paradox that whatever I'm communing with, I am also one with. Oneness only because there is relationship, and relationship only because there is more than one thing. Within this intimacy there's a wellspring of kindness towards my bruised heart, making sorrow feel like a privilege because it means I got to live for more than one day. When I feel intimate with all things, I can cradle my sorrow, and when it dances with joy, I feel utterly alive! I can set a place at the table for pain because it won't threaten my oneness with the mountains, our intimacy is too primal to be that conditional.
Drawing the world closer to me, it feels like I'm enfolding everything I see in an open embrace, taking the entire scene into me without it negating me. Nothing to negate here but negation itself. Looking out at the mountains now, we're woven together seamlessly and yet paradoxically without physical distance lost between us.
If I could, I'd run through the desert laughing and crying, my heart exploding and hair dancing in the wind. Drunk with aliveness and steadied on my feet by the presence of the One as "the ten thousand things". And there is more than "just seeing happening" without a seer, there's both a seer and a seen that need each other in order to be, and the miracle of my eyes through which to perceive. The cherry on the cake is that I no longer have to use air quotations to call them mine because with nothing to desecrate or deny, everything is re-confirmed, re-sanctified. And this little me who isn't all of me, but knows her place within the whole of everything, is grateful to feel not just profoundly wanted, but utterly necessary.
Driving through the Arizona desert, I'm in the passenger seat staring out at the mountains slowly streaming by, trying to recall how it felt to merge with my surroundings back when becoming one with everything meant disappearing, meant swiping myself out of the picture and dissolving into thin air, becoming nothing and everything. Well, everything except for me, except for somebody. Only in hindsight can I say that most of the time when following those pseudo non-dual pointers, I was not actually becoming one with everything, I was disappearing into it and there's a world of difference between the two.
But, in wanting to vividly describe it so that I can help others find a new way to experience oneness without dissolving, without losing themselves, I have to dip into my own absence again, to re-visit it experientially. Fearing that the re-entry gate might get jammed again, I hesitate before making my exit. It takes some effort, but pulling off the old self-swipe, my sense of identity, of somebody-ness, vanishes into thin air. Like so many times before, having once identified with the character of "Jessica" already feels like a memory of a distant dream, and the elbow resting against the window belongs to no one. My absence right now doesn't feel exquisite like it did before, or enlightening, but extraordinarily hollow, stultifying. Nonetheless, here it is again, along with the familiar tug of grief and muscle clenching that visits me when I remember with full clarity and feel the full weight of how much I lost in the abyss of self-effacing spirituality. Yes, I did find some rare jewels in no man's land that I carry with me, but I hope to god I never find myself stuck there again. I've gotten what I left for, so swiping myself back in, I return.
With a swell of relief, I summon my soul and psyche back to where they belong, as integral parts of this scene. How grateful I am for a new way to experience oneness - a oneness that includes me in it. To those soul-destroying, faux-enlightened ones who call this my fictional ego's attempt to "have it's cake and eat it too," I say to you that it's delicious. A real someone, this limited but real ego me, gets to be present to savor a oneness of diversity, a cosmic unity that we couldn’t even know, that wouldn’t even be had the "undifferentiated, impersonal ground of being" not evolved into this interconnected web of inseparably separate, and wondrously different, little me's.
How sweet it feels, this full-blooded, heart-bursting buoyancy, this thick and warm intimacy with the mountain range riding alongside me. I smile, knowing I'm living the marvelous paradox that whatever I'm communing with, I am also one with. Oneness only because there is relationship, and relationship only because there is more than one thing. Within this intimacy there's a wellspring of kindness towards my bruised heart, making sorrow feel like a privilege because it means I got to live for more than one day. When I feel intimate with all things, I can cradle my sorrow, and when it dances with joy, I feel utterly alive! I can set a place at the table for pain because it won't threaten my oneness with the mountains, our intimacy is too primal to be that conditional.
Drawing the world closer to me, it feels like I'm enfolding everything I see in an open embrace, taking the entire scene into me without it negating me. Nothing to negate here but negation itself. Looking out at the mountains now, we're woven together seamlessly and yet paradoxically without physical distance lost between us.
If I could, I'd run through the desert laughing and crying, my heart exploding and hair dancing in the wind. Drunk with aliveness and steadied on my feet by the presence of the One as "the ten thousand things". And there is more than "just seeing happening" without a seer, there's both a seer and a seen that need each other in order to be, and the miracle of my eyes through which to perceive. The cherry on the cake is that I no longer have to use air quotations to call them mine because with nothing to desecrate or deny, everything is re-confirmed, re-sanctified. And this little me who isn't all of me, but knows her place within the whole of everything, is grateful to feel not just profoundly wanted, but utterly necessary.