"I hope you didn’t come here to learn anything new tonight because you'll be sorely disappointed to hear that nobody showed up to teach nothing to no one...the exit door is to the left, and trust me when I say it's now or NEVER!"
A woman in the audience, Mary, has stepped up to the microphone with tears in her eyes and begins to tell her tale of woe. After five minutes, he starts getting hot under the collar, fearing he might snap and blurt out what he's thinking. DON'T YOU GET IT YET!? YOU DON'T FUCKING EXIST!! He's biting his tongue, trying to keep his cool, crafting a new self-obliterating play on words he hasn't already regurgitated ad nauseam
Before he can get it out, she chokes out the words, "My husband George doesn't take me seriously, it's like I don’t even exist, I don't know what to do!”
She's made it too easy! He's ready to deliver the final blow, but he needs to build suspense. Drawing from the the Playbook, insert drawn-out awkward silence, blink erratically while staring blankly ahead, sip water from the glass next to funeral parlor flowers. After several more minutes of exaggerated blinking and lobotomized stares, he's ready to execute.
"Okay Mary, imagine you’re George right now in a moment where he’s not taking you seriously. Really try to be inside his mind. What words are going through his head?"
She's closing her eyes, her breath becoming ragged as she breathes in deep and loud, holding it in her chest for several moments. On the out breath she whispers, "Mary…...is…...a…...joke."
"BINGO! The bad news is that George is right, Mary is a joke! She doesn't exist. But neither does George! You are both illusions in a nightmare that never existed. You're free, don't you see? Mary doesn't exist and nobody gives a shit!"
Snickers from the crowd...
She's taken aback at first, her face all scrunched up and eyebrows deeply furrowed while she whispers the riddle to herself "I....don't exist...and no one gives a shit?" Silence...and then BAM! Mary gets the cosmic joke and erupts into laughter.
"Thank you," she whispers, wiping tears from her eyes.
"So, who wants to go next?"