Creating a self-rejecting god
When I feel viscerally that every time-bound phenomenon is a real manifestation of god (use your preferred language) not a concealment of it, that every thing is a real evolved expression of the ground of Being, the felt sense of these trans-immanent truths return...
whatever I do, I am doing as god / god is doing as me
as a real expression of god, among other expressions of god
whatever I do to myself, I'm also doing to god / god is doing to itself
They transform my experience in a dramatically humble way, and I see that while you and I are both participating in our experience of god, god is simultaneously participating in itself, as you and me.
What hits with tragic clarity is that every time I was ticking off a box on reductionist non-duality's "to do away with" list, I was participating in creating a story and experience of a universe that evolves and emerges into personhood, only to abandon it own humanity. In my turning away from my personhood the universe had evolved to reject parts of its' own humanity. Seen in this way, my disposition immediately softens into tender-heartedness, a softness that carries untold strength!
When I see in this way, I am ceaselessly shocked by how mobilizing it is to see god's weaknesses. Transimmanence, the transcendent embodied as humam, brings an unexpected gift - extraordinary motivation in knowing that when I heal my relationship with myself, I'm helping heal god's (human) relationship with itself. Making positive changes, and learning to love myself, is never more poignant and possible than when I know I'm helping create a universe that has evolved to embrace and love itself as big little me.
The importance of individuation has only been researched in the last century, and today we know a great deal about the ubiquity and harmful impact of under-developed individuation, which is for example a leading feature in relational trauma or CPTSD, something that so many of us are realizing they’ve gone through/are still going through, as it’s affects are long term and often are wrangled with throughout one’s entire life.
A central aspect of healing CPTSD, if healing is the right word, is beginning, developing or completing the healthy development process of individuation, to disentangle one’s sense of self from others, become their own authority with a sense of free agency
Philosophically, ”individuation" expresses the general idea of how a thing is identified as an individual thing that "is not something else” and this is imperative for healthy functioning and meant to be fully established by a certain age. For many, it isn’t however. And this makes spiritual paths that teach radical de-individuation (involving weakening or erasing one’s boundaries) a potential threat to those who developed the notion that their personal needs don’t matter, and never completed healthy individuation in the first place. It can exacerbate and perpetuate the devastating symptoms of CPTSD, including weak personal boundaries, people-pleasing, and weakened capacity to make decisions autonomously. (Harmed further by teachings on “no chooser” “no doer.”) I see teaching this in the way its done in radical non-dualism as existing along a spectrum ranging from naive lack of awareness on one end to irresponsibility, negligence, and heartlessness. In all instances, I feel that any teaching that belittles the importance of and/or deliberately attempts to counteract the psychological development of healthy individuation and personal boundaries before transcending/dissolving them, as reckless endangerment. Regardless of your intentions, it is unacceptable.
This also applies to those who teach permanent dissolution of one’s sense of individuation/individuality, personal boundaries, etc. rather than teaching a balance in which these are neither too rigid nor too flimsy, both of which are maladaptive and harmful. This would be the “transcend and exclude” model that many modern non-dual teachers adhere to, often doing a huge disservice to many people, to the point of doing more harm to them than good. These teachers fail to see that while egotism and radical/rigid individualism are causes of societal and personal suffering, so too are poor self esteem and an under-developed sense of individuation (which involves a healthy degree of “self-centeredness”). It may even be accurate to say that in this age of skyrocketing depression, anxiety, and suicide, thinking too little of ourselves poses a greater threat to humanity. And of course these modern non-dual teachings indiscriminately prescribed, do little to help in this regard, and I repeat, risk making it worse. Throwing out the model of healthy ego development and individuation, and even vilifying it, should certainly not be considered spiritual wisdom by any means.
“the mature and evolving individual within an adaptive-productive relationship and system has an opportunity to affirm and exercise his unique perspective and passions, skills and talents (“Authority & Autonomy”); and at the same time this individual is motivated to be “respectful, real, responsible, and responsive” to others and to fulfilling reasonable role expectations in his or her world (“Accountability”).”
"And we all live our spiritual lives, believing that this is what we're aiming for, to be free of fear forever. To have seen it as an illusion, something we have left behind like a shadow because the sun of spirituality has gotten so bright that shadows no longer exist." - Jason Shulman
"We want light and wisdom but not the life it illuminates!" - Jason Shulman
In retrospect, most of the light I experienced in my Neo-Advaita days of exclusionary transcendence was a Purity light, a light of purity alone, holy yes, but not whole-making... what I want and need now is the light that shines on the impurity that purity light over-shadows, to help me heal and whole by integrating instead of temporarily incinerating it with it's gorgeous rays, even though that felt like absolute liberation! I need this now because the wholly-ness divine immanence offers, holds the dark tarnished parts of me with/within its' light, instead of immediately dissolving them into light, and I've come to want my human wholly-ness more than I ever wanted to dissolve parts of myself into exclusionary bliss, and to strengthen a conscious relationship with these parts and harness them for the power and strength in vulnerability made sacred, in knowing all past present and future devastation as holy too, as holy as anything / everything else, in saying this too is god, seeing through the illusion that god is not (in) this place of darkness...