Friends,
There seems to be increasing inspiration to create and explore humanistic alternatives to either/or, self & world-negating paradigms of non-dual spirituality, ones that celebrate the preciousness of our interconnected individuality rather than something to escape, abandon, or permanently dissolve. One that inspires all dimensions of our humanity to flourish, and revels in the both/and paradox of being both separate and one, unified as individuals. One that compels us to commune with our surroundings and one another, and enthusiastically participate in the profound mystery of a bittersweet, miraculously real world!
One in which the aim is not to get/dissolve back into our "true nature" as changeless, formless Being, but to explore how our experience transforms when reality is actually the evolutionary process of that ground of Being becoming, when we create meaning by delighting in and choosing how to participate, how to contribute to its' blossoming towards greater compassion, interconnection, and reverence for the preciousness of existence. Where we open our apertures to behold the greater context of what we are a part of, and by placing our collective human existence within it, this wider more transcendent view reveals more significance (and what is most significant to us) in the particulars, rather than trivializing them! Where instead of reacting to impermanence with detachment and hardened disaffectedness, we choose to savor the fleeting more fully, letting our hearts break open so we can be more deeply touched and enlivened by the poignance of what is ephemeral. Where the goal is not so much "liberation" from suffering, but freedom to feel fully human and alive.
One in which we need not make a false binary choice between seeming opposites like spirit and matter, the personal and universal, to experience profound mystery because we know we are both, always. Where we don’t have to disappear and lose ourselves to know oneness, but come to know ourselves as inextricable parts of it, evolving and healing our egos rather than eroding our minds and discarding our personhood.
While I bring my own unique perspective to this both/and framework, I'm deeply inspired by several individuals whose voices I'm thrilled to share, who also experienced the tragic pitfalls of self-abandoning and world-denying nonduality, who helped me come back to personhood, but in a new way that has felt like moving forwards in my psycho-spiritual evolution, rather than backwards, as this is commonly depicted as in self-negating spheres. As well as to deconstruct my prior either/or non-dual paradigm , re-building myself/the world without feeling I am reifying the unreal, discovering the existence of all I'd trivialized, illusorized, as shining in a light more poignant than ever.
One in which the aim is not to get/dissolve back into our "true nature" as changeless, formless Being, but to explore how our experience transforms when reality is actually the evolutionary process of that ground of Being becoming, when we create meaning by delighting in and choosing how to participate, how to contribute to its' blossoming towards greater compassion, interconnection, and reverence for the preciousness of existence. Where we open our apertures to behold the greater context of what we are a part of, and by placing our collective human existence within it, this wider more transcendent view reveals more significance (and what is most significant to us) in the particulars, rather than trivializing them! Where instead of reacting to impermanence with detachment and hardened disaffectedness, we choose to savor the fleeting more fully, letting our hearts break open so we can be more deeply touched and enlivened by the poignance of what is ephemeral. Where the goal is not so much "liberation" from suffering, but freedom to feel fully human and alive.
One in which we need not make a false binary choice between seeming opposites like spirit and matter, the personal and universal, to experience profound mystery because we know we are both, always. Where we don’t have to disappear and lose ourselves to know oneness, but come to know ourselves as inextricable parts of it, evolving and healing our egos rather than eroding our minds and discarding our personhood.
While I bring my own unique perspective to this both/and framework, I'm deeply inspired by several individuals whose voices I'm thrilled to share, who also experienced the tragic pitfalls of self-abandoning and world-denying nonduality, who helped me come back to personhood, but in a new way that has felt like moving forwards in my psycho-spiritual evolution, rather than backwards, as this is commonly depicted as in self-negating spheres. As well as to deconstruct my prior either/or non-dual paradigm , re-building myself/the world without feeling I am reifying the unreal, discovering the existence of all I'd trivialized, illusorized, as shining in a light more poignant than ever.
The glorious both/and is how I describe the most powerful and important shift on my return path from self-negating nonduality. Its' what healed the false divide between spirit and matter that is tragically central to either/or nonduality, so that I could bring the transcendent down from the mountaintop into the immanent. It represents the paradox of both/and uniduality, and a precious turning point where I not only saw that oneness and separateness were both real, but that they, like all opposites, are co-arising and inextricably interwoven, never mutually exclusive! When reality came rushing back 1,000 fold, shining in a new light. It's a kind reminder of our folly in thinking we can see the entire picture by tearing it in two, and that there will never be wholeness when there's something to exclude. That a fully human path may not be one of "liberation" from suffering, but of freedom to be fully human, and of how much we let our hearts break open to include. And that our world of wonders is the ground of Being blooming, and that you and I are the universe getting to know itself as human. As unividuals, individuals who know we are both separate and one with each other. And it's at the heart of the way I want to experience life with you💓
Shedding light on the dark side of self-negating spirituality
I hope to contribute to a missing conversation about the adverse impact (without negating the positive ones) that permanent "ego dissolution" paths are known to have, and how our understandable attraction to the promise of liberation via self negation, i.e. "no self, no suffering," has, despite every moment of boundless bliss and oceanic relief, also tragically led many spiritual explorers to unexpected new kinds of suffering, including lasting, even life-threatening damage to themselves, their lives, and their loved ones. I've come to understand many of the adverse impacts not as bugs per se, but more as common features, and want to encourage others to acknowledge this. After initially experiencing profound liberation and positive transformation, from several years on a ego dissolution path, following mostly modern decontextualized "direct path"paradigms (including but not limited to Neo-Advaita), I discovered with shocking clarity that I had become a disturbingly empty shell of a person, and had to reckon with the reality that I had indeed sacrificed too much precious humanity for impersonal equanimity. The indescribable tragedy of this realization, and the arduous path of unbecoming no one, returning to personhood with new sight (something akin to a soul revival), compels me to join those who are revealing with nuance, compassion and discernment, unhealthy elements of contemporary self/world-denying ideologies (and experiences), as well the ways that trying to eradicate the ego/our personal sense of self in the name of oneness and 'enlightenment' often separates us not just from ourselves, but one another. Not just because of my own experience, but because of the heart-breaking ways that conceiving of a permanent loss of one's personal sense of self, as a panacea, has led to injuring countless other hearts, minds and souls, including driving many to suicide. I never imagined there were so many people out there negatively impacted by self-negating nondual teachings, but the more I looked into it, the frightening reality was that there are thousands, if not millions, and I now hear from them every few days!
I hope to contribute to a missing conversation about the adverse impact (without negating the positive ones) that permanent "ego dissolution" paths are known to have, and how our understandable attraction to the promise of liberation via self negation, i.e. "no self, no suffering," has, despite every moment of boundless bliss and oceanic relief, also tragically led many spiritual explorers to unexpected new kinds of suffering, including lasting, even life-threatening damage to themselves, their lives, and their loved ones. I've come to understand many of the adverse impacts not as bugs per se, but more as common features, and want to encourage others to acknowledge this. After initially experiencing profound liberation and positive transformation, from several years on a ego dissolution path, following mostly modern decontextualized "direct path"paradigms (including but not limited to Neo-Advaita), I discovered with shocking clarity that I had become a disturbingly empty shell of a person, and had to reckon with the reality that I had indeed sacrificed too much precious humanity for impersonal equanimity. The indescribable tragedy of this realization, and the arduous path of unbecoming no one, returning to personhood with new sight (something akin to a soul revival), compels me to join those who are revealing with nuance, compassion and discernment, unhealthy elements of contemporary self/world-denying ideologies (and experiences), as well the ways that trying to eradicate the ego/our personal sense of self in the name of oneness and 'enlightenment' often separates us not just from ourselves, but one another. Not just because of my own experience, but because of the heart-breaking ways that conceiving of a permanent loss of one's personal sense of self, as a panacea, has led to injuring countless other hearts, minds and souls, including driving many to suicide. I never imagined there were so many people out there negatively impacted by self-negating nondual teachings, but the more I looked into it, the frightening reality was that there are thousands, if not millions, and I now hear from them every few days!
This makes it so urgent to reach people seeking the permanent loss of self with a nuanced, balanced understanding of the potential benefits and inherent risks of engaging with and indiscriminately promoting radical self-negation. And to support with evidence, critical discernment and compassion, why it serves us to thoughtfully question the ramifications of embracing wholesale and casually diving into self-negating ideologies based on permanent deconstruction of identity, and rethink the health and accuracy of portraying these paths as a panacea, and as the ultimate stage of development/wellbeing. Hear more of my story in my interview on BATGAP here.
I spend a lot of my time connecting with and supporting people who are navigating commonly experienced adverse effects of self-negating spirituality, including support groups, resources, and 1:1 peer guidance for those wanting to loosen the hold of had on their perception, and reviving their full human-ness, vitality.
I spend a lot of my time connecting with and supporting people who are navigating commonly experienced adverse effects of self-negating spirituality, including support groups, resources, and 1:1 peer guidance for those wanting to loosen the hold of had on their perception, and reviving their full human-ness, vitality.
"You don't get to oneness by erasing yourself,
that would be oneness with a hole in it!"
- Tim Freke
that would be oneness with a hole in it!"
- Tim Freke
A New Way Forward I hope to engage with as many people as possible who are exploring unity of diversity paradigms that value us as miraculously real individuals within a relational oneness, that heal the age-old split between spirit and matter, and re-interprent elements of the perrennial philosophy. Ones that uplift us with a sense of wonder for this epic mystery, and help us open our hearts to suffering with more compassion for ourselves and empathic solidarity with one another. Ones discovering new (or old-new) ways to reveal significance to our existence that can inspire deeply engaged immersion in it, and even contribute to a more loving, awe-infused, and inter-connected world.